Mountains
Dramatic landscapes. Ridiculous views. That little feeling of being very, very small.
A very unofficial parks advocacy group
It's anArch,Not aPark.
Nothing against arches. Big fans of geometry. But when we say national park, we're thinking mountains, forests, rivers, wildlife... you get the picture.
100%
UNOFFICIAL
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UNOFFICIAL
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Save the parksNot the technicalities
Mountains ✳ Forests ✳ Rivers ✳ Wildlife ✳ ...An arch?
Exhibit A / The visual argument
One of these things
is not like the other.
Look, we appreciate an impressive piece of architecture. We just don't think it should be competing with Yellowstone for the same title.
Evidence no. 001
Yes, Gateway Arch is officially a national park. This is an absurdly earnest opinion about what that title ought to conjure up.
Forests
Trees. Trails. Actual nature. There should probably be some dirt involved.
An arch
Gorgeous curve. Excellent engineering. Strong case for being… a very nice arch.
A reasonable and measured position
We're pro-park.
Not anti-arch.
St. Louis, we love you. The Arch is iconic. The city is great. But if we have to choose between a stainless-steel curve and miles of wilderness, our hiking boots have made their decision.
Our platform is simple: celebrate the wild places, preserve the wild places, and reserve the right to make one extremely specific joke about a famous monument.
REAL PARKS
HAVE TREES.That's the whole campaign.
HAVE TREES.That's the whole campaign.
Wear your extremely niche opinion
We put it
on a shirt.
The original argument, now available in the ancient medium of retro graphic tee. Distressed lettering. Cream cotton. Maximum commitment to a bit that probably went too far.
Front: IT'S AN ARCH, NOT A PARK.
Back: REAL PARKS HAVE TREES.
Small-batch status: This started as a joke between friends. There's no public checkout on this site yet — we're just enjoying the argument.
Send this to an arch defender ↗
The unofficial uniform
Frequently disputed questions
You're
going to ask.
We've prepared a completely unscientific defense.
Wait, isn't Gateway Arch actually a national park?
Yes! Congress redesignated it in 2018. We're not disputing federal law. We're disputing the vibe. Even the National Park Service agrees it's officially a national park.
Are you seriously anti-Arch?
Absolutely not. It's a wonderful landmark. We just think maybe a national monument and a national park are two different energy levels.
Does every national park have trees?
Definitely not. Deserts exist. Our slogan is intentionally oversimplified — that's why it fits on a T-shirt.
Can I actually buy the shirt?
Not through this website right now. It's a very small friends-and-family run. The internet will be the first to know if this deeply unnecessary project gets bigger.
Who is behind this highly organized campaign?
People who like national parks, dumb jokes, and arguing about extremely specific things for far too long.